Are Our Daughters Considering Homemaking As a Career?

Are Our Daughters Considering Homemaking As a Career?

It’s hard to write a post like the one I’m about to share without including a few stipulations. Yes, there are crazy people in the world who treat women and girls like property. It’s true that many women are called into important, wage earning, professions. Certainly, some women are called to single life. Let’s operate under the assumption that I’m NOT functioning as a voice for the dogmatic stay at home daughter movement. And many, if not most of our daughters will one day marry and have children. Fair enough?

I grew up watching Laura Ingalls, of Little House on the Prairie, dissatisfaction with “just” being at home as a wife and mother. Maggie Seaver of Growing Pains, grabbed her brief case and coffee while kissing her children goodbye as they got themselves ready for school. Claire Huxtable practiced law and brought her skills home to navigate the waters of a large family. I was told repeatedly I could be anything I wanted to be. My list of possibilities was long; teacher, broadcast journalist, advertisement, musician, pastor, missionary, writer, etc.

My dreams growing up didn’t include becoming a wife or a mother.

My dreams growing up didn’t include becoming a wife or a mother. I have no memory discussing this as an option. I remember dreaming of success and goals achieved. Of course marriage and having children was part of the plan, but almost like a side bonus, not, THE DREAM.

What kind of messages have you received about motherhood? Recently, talking to older teens and young adults about their dreams I often hear, “I want to be a teacher, a nurse, a missionary, etc.”

I’ve been gently asking, “Have you ever considered becoming a homemaker?” These young ladies don’t know how to answer a question which has never been posed to them before.

Have the young ladies in your life considered homemaking as a career?

I love the idea of my daughters receiving a solid education, a foundation on which to support themselves, and general development and growth as human beings. There is something I know however, which they do not. I know what it feels like to hold your very own baby in your arms for the first time. I’ve experienced what it is to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you would give your life’s breath for that baby the instant you lock eyes. I’ve wept the tears of a woman who nursed her baby, not wanting to hand her over to a childcare provider at 12 weeks of age. And I’ve walked the path with numerous women, shedding tears over wanting to stay home with their babies, but set up their lives in such a way that it was financially impossible.

What messages are we giving our sons and daughters about homemaking?

homemaker

Why don’t our girls dream about the passionate pursuit of raising children as a profession? Do we not present it as a glorious option? Is the pull on the world, requiring two incomes to live like those around us, so strong? Do we send our children (boys and girls) into higher education, accumulating unthinkable debt so that staying at home with children is an impossibility? Do those of us who live out the roles of homemaker do so joylessly, making the job unattractive? Is the church building up and valuing the glorious job of mothers raising their babies and children at home?

Sisters in Christ, if you have been called to marriage, motherhood, and homemaking, you have received a high and holy call.

We receive no paycheck or glory and few accolades from the world. Managing our homes however, brings us to a glorious place of storing up treasures in heaven. As we change diapers, scrub toilets, instruct toddlers in the kindness and gentleness of the Lord, organize our cupboards and prepare meals; we have the ability to perform every task as worship unto the Lord. When we creatively prepare a menu on a budget and joyfully serve our family, we are serving Jesus himself.

Teaching our little ones the gospel in our day-to-day interactions, growing them in godliness and discipline is a certain way of doing our part in fulfilling the Great Commission we’ve received from the Lord Jesus. Impossible questions need to be answered, world-views need to be shaped. Boo-boo’s need to be tended to with great wisdom. And our husbands need our love and attention as well. All of this takes great skill, devotion, and selflessness.

I don’t know that we will turn the tide, making the High Call of Motherhood and Homemaking, into a longed for profession in our culture. But we can do an amazing job of showing the beauty of it in our homes. We can do our job with excellence. Join me in challenging our daughters with our devotion to the home and the Lord.

Let’s challenge them with our words as well.

We can speak highly of our job as homemaker. When we talk about our daughter’s futures, when we talk about Jesus command to “store up treasure in heaven,” include the career of motherhood as a path for them to consider as a worthy call. I don’t have my daughter’s lives mapped out for them. That is between my daughters and the Lord. I do desire, when they think of the future, to realize that jobs with titles, advancement, and paychecks aren’t the only career paths to consider. Homemaking doesn’t need to be an after thought. It’s a worthy, lovely, worthwhile career they can be proud in wanting to pursue. Let’s give our girls the dream of raising a family for Jesus.

Family Sports Night…One Family’s Solution to a Busy Culture

One of the things we value in our family life is avoiding the “busy trap.” How do you accomplish the daunting task of discipleship when outside activities demand your attention most nights of the week? Our family is striving to regularly eat dinner together, do daily devotions, serve, and open our home in hospitality often. In order to accomplish our goals, we’ve had to make some difficult decisions about our time and finances. One of them is around sports.

A friend shared this article on Facebook: The Race to Nowhere in Youth Sports. Our family hasn’t experienced this kind of sport culture first hand, however we know it is common. We’d like to share with you one alternative which has made a big difference in our life.

Family Sports Night

Three years ago, we were invited by friends to participate in a Family Sports Night (FSN). Several families gather on a weekly basis and tried out different sports together. This has been a perfect way to expose our kids to different sports and exercise, while maintaining our family values.

What is FSN?

Entire families meet once a week for a determined amount of time and play sports. A leader chooses the sports by the group’s interest level. The sport has to be something good for all ages, without requiring special equipment. FSN introduces common sports and rotates selections from month to month. Dads and moms teach basic skills related to that evening’s sport for the first hour. A parent shares a short devotional during a break. During the second half of the evening, kids are able to use their skills, by playing an actual game. Teams are divided by age categories so play is fair for developmental stages. Depending on the number attending, there may be several games going at once.

Our FSN meets at a public park. It’s an open event and a great way to invite families to play together, hear a gospel message, and experience sports in a loving and safe setting. The goal of our FSN, according to Dave Miller (the current lead organizer) is “to simplify the suburban American sports frenzy, by bringing all family members together on one night each week instead of running ragged 3, 4, or 5 nights a week.” This goal fits so well with our family values! Our kids are exposed to different sports and healthy competition. Our family is able to play together and invest our time in other life worthy goals during the week. We love Family Sports Night!

family sports night

How do sports work in your family life?

Are the choices you are making fitting into your long term family values and goals? We encourage you to start a Family Sports Night chapter of your own if it would help you meet some of your family goals.

 

How I Use Scripture to Discipline My Kids

Scripture is our best parenting tool. I’m not talking about forcing your child to write out a passage which correlates to his or her specific sin 100 times. Nor am I suggesting we use it as a verbal weapon to use against our children when they are caught in unsavory behavior. God’s word becomes a natural part of our discipline when His word is a centerpiece in our lives.

2 Timothy 2:16 states, “All Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.”

I found some kids in my house engaged in a battle of epic proportions. The details aren’t important, other than: Mama Bear was unleashed. The kind of fight I witnessed was new territory for me as a parent. I found myself separating the culprits and sending them away lest I say something I would later regret. As I stood scrambling my morning eggs, I pleaded with The Lord for wisdom. I sought wise counsel. And then, I went into a battle of my own. The spiritual battle of keeping my kid’s hearts while administering grace-filled connection.

After gathering the necessary information to understand the situation, related consequences were given to the parties involved in the fight. As we talked, it became clear that one party was repentant. The other party had a hardened and defensive heart. I was sincerely disappointed in this child’s behavior, but I knew my angry child needed a lot of reassurance and love.

After significant time had passed, I asked the unrepentant child if we could sit on the couch and snuggle for a minute and chat. I listened carefully to my kiddo’s heart. There wasn’t any reason in that moment to argue, correct, or share how I felt. This was my chance to show my sincere desire to understand. When it seemed natural in our conversation, I opened my Bible to a passage we had been learning from in church. This wasn’t a time to give a super spiritual list of ways this kid could have done better. I wanted my child to hear the amazing grace of the gospel of Christ.

Colossians 3:12 “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved…”

I stopped and emphasized this first sentence. “You my child have been chosen by God. You are set apart for Him. You are dearly loved by Him.” I went on to talk about the sacrifice of love God had made for us and how Jesus went to the cross for us, loving us, just as we are. “This was a big mess up today. I was sad and angry to see how your angry choices were affecting my other children. But even in that moment, you were still deeply loved and God still called you His own.”

As we talked, I watched my child’s heart begin to soften. Tears flowed freely. I said sweetly, “I know you are capable of rising above what happened this morning, because you belong to God. You are growing. The choices you make right now are shaping your character. We can respond to what Christ has done for us by reflecting the character of our God who loves us dearly. Or, we can choose our own way. Those choices impact our life and the lives of those around us. The Bible tells us, “The Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.”

I watched the tear soaked face look up at me and heard the words, “I want to grow in godliness.” After a long hug, we wiped away tears. The struggle to want to fight when someone hurts me is a struggle I share. It was easy to think of specific examples of ways I’ve been hurt and how hard it is to forgive and bear with those around me. We discussed how natural it is when we hurt to, “look at what someone has done to us, instead of what Jesus has done for us.” ~Troy Dobbs

Colossians 3:12-14 “…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

On our knees, we began to pray through the rest of this verse, responding to what God had done for us. There wasn’t any way we could change in our own strength. We needed God’s power to change us. We prayed that God would help us to clothe ourselves with compassion; for the strength to bear with others who offend us; for forgiveness and the ability to forgive; we prayed for love.

discipline

God’s word transformed the hearts of both my child and myself during this moment of correction and discipline. We experienced a holy and sacred moment, as we embraced the love of God in the midst of some pretty ugly stuff going on in our home. The sweetness of God’s character began to seep into our hearts. Throughout the day, He answered our prayer as we walked in forgiveness and love with one another and the others in our house.

When we live with God’s word as our center…we can be transformed by it. We can use it in disciplinary moments, while also keeping our kid’s hearts. Our discipline can point to the gospel. I want my kid’s characters to grow…not for the sake of earning favor with God, but as a response to the One who gave His all on the cross, conquering sin and death.

 

Six Ways to Be Intentional In Sibling Bonding

Intentional Siblings

“Dear God, I thank you that we get to be home and do school together. Thank you that we are in a musical and can spend that time together as well…”

…This was an excerpt of a prayer one brother was praying for another. It took my breath away. We all want our kids to love one another, because, let’s be honest, it makes us feel pretty warm and fuzzy. There are however, other reasons we want our children to get along with their siblings.

It’s practical:

Rob Reinow shared at a retreat how he was always hoping for a prayer partner from his youth group, never thinking he had a built-in prayer partner right down the hall: his own brother. So often, we find ourselves discontent, even into adult-hood, looking for new experiences and new people. When our children form tight bonds in childhood, they can live their entire lives with their best friends. Siblings can given amazing spiritual support when it’s a natural part of life growing up.

Mom and Dad won’t always be around:

If things go the right way, our kids will out live us. When parents are gone (so I’ve heard), you can feel a little alone in the Universe. When our children have grown deep bonds, they can be there for one another. We share many of our first life moments with our siblings. Who understands us better than those who we spend day in and day out in our childhood?

Sibling relationships are training ground for all future relationships:

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…amazing life-lessons can spring up from sibling relationships. Our children will some day be someone’s roommate, employee, employer, spouse, or friend. What better way to hone relational skills than with the people we see the most (and have the hardest time getting along with)?

How do we intentionally help our children form bonds of friendship?

1. We’ve taken Jim & Lynne Jackson’s advice and we “send our kids on dates.” We have encouraged our kids to pair up, pack a favorite shared activity, and give them money to split a treat in a restaurant. We sit nearby to make sure they are safe, but far enough that the entire activity needs to be directed between the two of them. What an amazing bonding experience this has provided! (We especially like to pair up kids who may have been having trouble getting along in recent days or weeks.)

2. Our kids share bedrooms. We have plenty of bedrooms in our house, but it is entirely normal for kids to pile up in one or two rooms each night. They giggle, debrief their days, and bond in this way. Sharing bedrooms always challenges different personality types to work together in stressful settings. This is a good thing!

3. We encourage our kids to give each other hugs. This actually occurred recently, when I found out one of my sons told the director of his play that he didn’t want to hug a female cast mate and that he doesn’t hug his sisters! I made a fun game out of them all hugging each other until everyone broke out laughing. Since then, I occasionally nudge one to hug another. I don’t like to make a big thing out of this or do it all the time. I’ve noticed however, there has been a new warmth among the crew since implementing this idea. I’ve even seen them initiate a few hugs to one another without my prompting.

4. Strategically placing kids in the car or at the table has been amazing. Two of our feistiest kids struggle often with loving one another. We decided to place those two in the very back of our van for a very long road trip. Just the two of them. With no one else to talk to or rely on for entertainment for hours on end. This devious little plan was brilliant beyond words! They had a couple doozy fights back there. But in those fights, they gloriously worked things out…and they enjoyed each other immensely. Parenting win!

5. Our children pray together. We shared about our prayer day in a previous post. On the day when that child is singled out for more significant prayer, if brothers and sisters are around, they pray too. This plan has done two things for our kids: the one who prays has grown in love for the one for whom is prayed; the prayer day kid has grown vulnerable by sharing requests in front of siblings. As time goes on, I hope to encourage more independent prayer between our kids. It is my hope that into adulthood praying together (without mom and dad) will feel natural.

6. Our kids school together. This is a unique benefit for homeschool families. Over the years, I have enjoyed watching kids say their scripture memory passages to one another during the day. My oldest daughter has often included younger siblings in school projects that have been fun such as baking, olympic games, science experiments, etc. Our oldest son has followed her lead and is exhibiting the same kind of inclusion with the younger kids. Nature hikes, sledding, basketball, read alouds, three meals a day, devotions, prayer time, we are together a lot. There is definitely a lot of distinction in their learning as we have almost a decade spread between the five of them. However, we joyfully bump into each other all day as we circle around our to-do lists. I can’t help but think this is knitting their hearts together in a special way.

I really did feel warm and fuzzy when my son prayed that prayer of thanks for his brother. But more than that, I am deeply grateful for the relationships they are forging with one another. I hope and pray that as we are intentional about our children bonding with one another, that their love for each other will grow and reflect the love of Christ.

Intentional Siblings

 

 

 

Gentle Restoration

gentle

One the way to church one morning, I was whining about something to my husband. As he patiently listened to my heart, Jules was listening too. When I paused, she said, “You often talk to me about the dangers of comparing my life to someone else’s. Do you think you are doing that right now?”

We have learned over years, that the Bible is so applicable to all of our relationships. Those pesky verses that convict us on how we relate to people, apply to our interactions with our children too.

Galatians 6:1 “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.”

My 13 year old daughter has been experiencing gentle restoration when she sins. In turn, she was able to gently restore me when I was caught in sin. I was silenced (almost…I admit, I still had to get a few more words in). There was no way I could have responded in defensiveness to her rebuke.

Eventually we arrived at church. As we began to worship God in all His holiness, the Holy Spirit used her words to bring conviction to my heart. I wept, as I confessed my sin of ungratefulness and my pride-filled-spirit during the car ride. I wept, as I received the freely offered forgiveness of my Savior.

Friends, we can be simultaneously gentle and consistent in our parenting. These are not mutually exclusive. And the behavior we model, is the behavior they will display. Praying for you as you love your families today!

 

 

 

Presenting Our Kids Mature in Christ, Part III: Service

Presenting Our Kids Mature in Christ, Part III: Service

When we think of presenting our kids mature in Christ, we are striving to cover three areas: Knowing and obeying God; loving and worshipping God, and living a life of service unto God. In this third and final post in our series, we want to look at a few ways we can encourage spiritual maturity in our kids as they become Ambassadors for Christ.

Romans 12:10 “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” 

Service in the home: The best place to begin serving is in our homes. Swannie dad is servant hearted in every way and simply modeling that to our kids has affected them deeply. We want to encourage our kids to look out for the needs of others. As we honor our children above ourselves, they are catching the vision. We’ve noticed them making each others beds, picking up each others messes, volunteering for chores that need to get done. In fact, just today, Catty walked by and said, “Oh no! I forgot to do my consequence of bringing Ode’s dishes to the sink.”

Stretching in my memory, I couldn’t remember giving her any discipline, “Who gave you that consequence, Catty?”

She looked at me and replied, “I gave it to myself. Earlier I hurt Odes with my hands and I thought I should find a way to bless him with my hands.”

Our home is a place to welcome friends, family, and neighbors. Therefore, we make every effort to open our door in hospitality to those around us. The home gives us endless ways to mature in Christ through service.

mature in Christ: service

I Peter 4:10 “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 

Service in church: The beautiful picture of the body of Christ working in harmony is breathtaking. We have all been given talents and spiritual gifts in Christ. As a family we look for ways to serve the church together and on our own. David has taught Sunday School. I’ve led worship. The kids and I have led worship together. Our kids have sung, danced, and played musical instruments. We have joined with our church outreach, Big Serve together. As our kids continue to grow, their gifts will continue to unfold and God will mark out the ways He wants to use them in vocation, ministry, and families of their own. Growing in this area and seeing how God will use us in the life of the church is exciting. 

Romans 12:14 “Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.”

Serving the people in our lives: Through the years, we have tried to keep our eyes open to serve the people around us in need. If we are looking, there is a multitude of ways to bless those around us. Families can serve together in any number of ways.

Are you good at cooking or baking? Bring someone a treat or meal.
Do you have a new or lonely neighbor? Shovel their driveway.
Do you know a family who is suffering, with little help? Watch their kids, clean their house, pay a bill or two if you can.
Send a card of encouragement.
Do you know families who foster? Find a way to bless them. (Diapers, formula, gift cards, new clothing, food, and prayers would bless the families we know who are fostering children.)
Dress up the kids and visit a nursing home.
Do you interact with the homeless? Give them something in the name of Jesus.
Bring a small gift to an old friend.
Drop off chocolates and a fun book or magazine at the home of a mom with young ones.
Give away your kids old toys and clothes to younger kids in the neighborhood.

The other day a little girl was sitting in our back yard watching the neighborhood kids play down the street. David said she looked lonely. My heart soared when Jules ran outside and asked if she wanted to play. One by one our kids descended upon her and the six of them played the rest of the evening. *Since writing this, I heard one of my kids share a praise report that they were able to proclaim Jesus to this little girl. Yes, they are getting the vision!

Romans 12:1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, this is your true and proper worship.

Service on vacation: Exposing our children to different parts of our country has been a privilege. When traveling, we look for different ways to serve. In Texas, we partnered with a church for a day. David was able to share God’s love with Latino families, while the middle kids and I packed food for them to bring home. Jules blessed children by doing crafts with them, as their parents picked up boxes of food and heard the message of God’s love.

mature in christ: servicemature in Christ: service

mature in Christ: service

In Arizona, we took on the challenge of the church we visited by organizing our own creative outreach. We stayed on a golf course and made fresh lemonade for the golfers as they passed. Additionally, the church offered materials for us to hand out in Jesus’ name. Looking for ways to serve on vacation, has played an important part in maturing ours and our children’s faith.

2 Corinthians 5:20-21 “We are therefore Christ’s Ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 

Vessels of Reconciliation: Ultimately, we hope for our children to become those who reconcile others to God. Our church is giving our kids a fantastic view of world missions. Before each of the kids leaves our home, I hope to complete the Apologia World View books. We look for real life examples to continue to share the truth of the gospel with our kids and through conversation are teaching them different ways to communicate the gospel to others.

Mark 10:45 “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

When we think of communicating a life of service and obedience to Christ, we always want to emphasize that we serve out of response to His work in our lives. It’s so important to guard against the subtle lies that make our children believe that the more they do, the more they matter to God. There is NOTHING we can do to earn the favor of God. Service to Him and others is because He loved us first.

We have been blessed to be a blessing. If our kids are going to grow to maturity in Christ, we need to model a heart of service. Proclaiming Christ in both words and service is an area I pray we will grow increasingly as a family. How are you building hearts for others in your homes?

Presenting Our Kids Mature in Christ, Part I: Scripture
Presenting Our Kids Mature in Christ, Part II: Prayer

 

Presenting Our Kids Mature in Christ, Part II: Prayer

Presenting Our Kids Mature in Christ, Part II: Prayer

Today, we are building on the idea from Colossians of presenting our kids mature in Christ. The first post in this series looked at diligently teaching scripture in the home. The focus of Part II will be prayer. Building an intimate prayer life with our kids has knit our hearts together in a beautiful way. We are beginning to see fruit of this discipline in the lives of our older kids as they are growing their own prayer lives, walking by faith.

mature in Christ: prayer

The following are some ways we have incorporated prayer into the life of our home:

Ephesians 6:18 “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep praying for the Lord’s people.” 

Common Prayers: We pray before meals, road trips, and bed times. When we hear a siren or see some kind of hardship on the road, we pray. After interacting with a person in need, we pray for them. If we get a message from family or friends in need, we pray right away. 

I John 5:14 “This is the confidence we have in approaching God, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.”

Prayer Day: Swannie dad instituted “prayer day.” At bed time on that person’s prayer day, they get an extended time of prayer. Prayer requests are shared and each one is lifted up to God. This is a great time for those prayers we always mean to pray for our kids (salvation, future endeavors, spouses). 

Jeremiah 29:12 “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”

Prayer Groups: This year we invited three other homeschool families to join us in prayer twice a month. We follow the “Moms In Prayer” format. Moms and pre-schoolers meet in our play room. The little ones play and moms worship and express our thankfulness to God and confess our sins. We pray for our children, each other, our husbands, our homeschools, and other prayer requests. The girls from each family meet together and my oldest daughter leads them in a time of prayer. My oldest son leads the boy’s prayer time. Afterward we have a fun hour of learning together. 

James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. 

Confession Prayers: Recently, some of our kids engaged in an altercation of gigantic proportions. Angry words and hurt filled tears were whipped up in a frenzy. When David and I stepped in to help, I contributed to the discussion by angrily trying to put a kid in his place. After several minutes of heated discussion, I asked everyone if we could pray. I led a time of confession of my sin and asked for healing for our hearts and relationships. Hearts began to soften as we prayed for ourselves and each other. I would like to see this type of prayer increase in our home. 

James 5:13 “Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise.”

Prayer in Joy and Sorrow: Upon receiving the news from my doctor that we had lost our last baby, as a family, we immediately offered our sorrow up to God. By faith, we trusted that He understood our pain. By faith, we sent up prayers of trust that He knows best. As we face troubles and sorrows in our family, we are real about our strugggles, while continually walking the path of faith filled prayers. Our kids are now asking for God’s direction in their own lives and accepting His answers. When we receive good news or a blessing, we remember to praise Him for His goodness to us. I’ve noticed my children thank God for even the tiniest things that bring them joy.

I Timothy 2:1-2 “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving, be made for all people, for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 

Prayer for others: Years ago, we had a “prayer bowl.” We placed scraps of paper in the bowl which held prayer requests for others. At breakfast and lunch we would each take out a slip and pray for whatever was on it. The bowl is now since broken. Since then, I’ve made laminated cards and written prayer requests with wet erase markers and put them on our morning board. Letters and pictures from missionaries are posted on a board to remember to pray for them. Christmas letters are opened together during dinner and are prayed for before we hang them up on the wall as a prayer reminder throughout the season. We try to remember to pray often for our country and world leaders, missionaries, pastors, neighbors, family, friends, those fighting illnesses.

I Timothy 2:3-4 “This is good and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. 

Prayer for the Lost: I believe this is one of the most important kinds of prayers in which we can engage. The following verse is helpful as we lift up prayer for those who do not yet know Jesus: “We pray Jesus that you would open ______ eyes and turn them from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.”

Matthew 5:44 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Prayer for our Enemies: Every single one of us at swanniehouse has endured the pain of broken relationships or deep hurt from outside of our home. We are choosing by faith, to love those who hurt us and pray for them. This is a very difficult kind of prayer, but it is also dramatically life-changing. 

Let us know if you decide to incorporate one or more of these ideas in your home ministry. We would love to hear what you are doing as a family to teach and model prayer in your home!

Presenting Our Kids Mature in Christ, Part I: Scripture

Presenting Our Kids Mature In Christ, Part I: Scripture

There is nothing more important to us at swanniehouse, than presenting our kids mature in Christ. We live in a country as well as a time in history, where opportunities are abundant. How do we make the best decisions with how to spend our days and years with the little ones entrusted to us by God? The best guide we have found is listening to what God says in His word and trying our best to follow His lead. We are dividing our posts on presenting our kids mature in Christ into a series. This enormous task has many facets to cover. The first we are going to tackle is keeping the teaching of scripture prominent in our homes.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 tells us that parents are responsible for the spiritual teaching of our children. We are commissioned to take every opportunity, all through out the day, to impress the truths of scripture on our children. The following are some ways we are striving to diligently teach God’s commands to our kids.

Devotions: Nearly every day, after dinner, we read God’s word and discuss it. The most self-disciplined swannie in our home has kept us up to the task (thank you Swannie Dad, we appreciate you!). We have used several different devotional books or websites and have read directly from scripture. Ten to fifteen minutes a day set aside to read and discuss God’s word means 70-105 minutes of truth impressing a week! If a child is too young to sit, we let her color or play. We have provided notebooks for all of the kids to take notes or doodle if they like as well. 

Quiet Time: One of my favorite parts of the day is right after breakfast. We set the kitchen timer (usually around 20 minutes) and we are quiet. The big kids and I read from our Bibles and journal. Little ones scroll through Christian board books or paint or color. After finishing our quiet time, we often share what God taught us through His word. 

Scripture Memory: As a kid, I remember reading a portion of scripture out loud each week at church. We were given prizes when we memorized verses. In junior high we went through a serious study of scripture, memorizing large portions. Repetition of scripture has made a colossal difference in my life. We have put together a scripture memorization package for our family to cover. Doing this over the past three years has been a great encouragement. We set goals to complete different passages during different time frames. At the end, we celebrate with a fun prize.

Over the past six months, our kids have memorized; Matthew 7, Psalm 23, Isaiah 9:6-7, Isaiah 7:14, I Peter 2:19-25, Isaiah 53. They have earned fun gifts as a reward. We simply read the passage once every night during our devotion time. (When I had all pre-schoolers, I made a chart of small verses to memorize and the kids got candy when they said the verses to me each week. This time around, our 3 year old has heard the big kids reading this every night and she knows these huge chunks of scripture as well.)

In-depth study: Every week, we set aside one evening to cover a more in-depth study of God’s word. Over the past couple of years we have been working on, The Picture Smart Bible. Through this study we are giving our kids the “big picture” as to how scripture works together. It would be easy to let other activities take us away, so we strongly guard this time on our calendar.  

CSP (Coffee, Scripture, Prayer): My kids love coffee. They seriously, LOVE it. Some time ago, we decided to incorporate coffee with special family time. Every Saturday morning, we make a big pot and after breakfast dishes are done, we move into the family room with our Bibles and a big bin of toys for Cupcake. We take our time with our devotions, asking questions, laughing, praying, drinking coffee and enjoying one another and Jesus.  

Church attendance: We are thrilled to have found a church faithful to God’s word where we all learn from our pastor. All seven of us worship together every Sunday. We participate in corporate worship and our kids are part of the full life of the body of Christ. Our three youngest children have never gone to nursery and have sat next to me in the service. Helpful tip: When they were babies they would nurse and sleep all the way through the services. After that stage, I introduced dum-dums and ring pops. It doesn’t bother me in the least that every time Troy Dobbs gets up front, Cupcake looks at me and says, “Can I have a sucker now?” She can equate the teaching of God’s word with sweetness, as it is honey for our souls.

This pamphlet is not from our church (though I know from our pastor’s words that he welcomes children in our services). I love this sentiment and would love to see it true in every worship setting: 

presenting children mature in christ
Westminster Church

Seeds of Worship: One of the easiest ways to memorize scripture is through song. Seeds of worship are a wonderful tool for scripture memory. The songs are not the typical, “Is this CD almost over?” feeling for mom and dad. The melodies are catchy and fun. 

Handwriting: A Reason for Handwriting has been a beautiful tool to not only build a necessary life skill, but keeps scripture in front of our kids while learning it. 

We hope you are encouraged to take one area above and incorporate it into your home. Please let us know if you try something, or if you would like some help getting start. We would love to hear what other families are doing to be faithful in teaching your children scripture to present them fully mature in Christ.

He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. ~Colossians 1: 28

What to Do When Kids Tattle

What to Do When Kids Tattle
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Wherever two or more children are gathered, a tattle-tail will be among them.

Kids will be playing and getting along like gold. Just as you are ready to kick up your feet and relax, one of them comes running saying, “Sara took my truck!” or, “Cameron hit me in the face!”

What is your reaction when the child comes with the news of devastation? Here are some typical responses: “What is going on? Get over here Cameron! Why did you hit your brother?”
“Sara, did you take her truck? That isn’t yours, give it back!” or “Sara, you need to share with your sister. Let her have a turn with the truck and then you will get a turn later.”

When a kid tattles, are you quick to jump in and fix the situation? Do you take a more hands-off approach? Do you feel equipped in those situations? The following are the tips we have at swanniehouse in tattling situations.

  1. Calm yourself. Whenever a kid comes running to me with an offense, I literally stop myself from feeling irritated. My internal dialogue changed from, “I can’t believe I have to deal with this again,” to “This is an opportunity to help my child become a vessel of reconciliation. Some day he or she will be an employer, employee, roommate, or spouse. They can build skills in our home when they face problems with others.”
  2. Resist the urge to fix the situation. Recently, Odes tattled on Cupcake for stealing a card away from him while he was playing a card game. He wanted me to chase her down and get the card back. That would have been an easy way for me to deal with the problem and move on. This however, was my response, “I am sorry you are having this problem with Cupcake. What have you done so far to work on this?” He replied, “Nothing, because I know she will just run away.” I replied with kindness, “I don’t have a problem with Cupcake right now. It’s not my responsibility to leave what I am doing to fix this. If this is going to be solved, you are going to have to work on it. What can you do to start?” Guess what? They figured it out on their own. There are times when kids will need help…but when a tattler comes your way, remember the problems are theirs, not ours.
  3. Ask questions. “Wow, you seem really upset about this situation. Did you just need to talk about it or are you looking for some help? Oh, you want help? OK, what have you done so far?” If you spend any time in our home you will hear these kinds of questions coming from swannie mom and dad’s mouths frequently. Here are some others, “Is there anything you are responsible for in this situation? How can you talk to your friend/sister/brother about this problem? What can you do to bring peace to this situation?”
  4. Don’t choose sides. I have been guilty of this and I see it all the time with families. One kid comes running in tears to mom, either emotionally or physically hurt by a sibling or friend. Mom listens to the situation, feels it is her responsibility to play judge and jury, and doles out a consequence. This is usually an unrealistic picture of relational difficulty. How many times have you had a conflict where the other person was 100% guilty and you had no part? When we choose one child over another we are helping create victims and turn the heart of the possible offender away from mom or dad. A better response: While caring for the hurt child, resist the mama-bear urge to attack. Give the hurt child language to express themselves to the offender. “I’m so sorry you were hurt. I never want you to feel unsafe/unloved in this home. Do you need some help talking to your sister? OK. Can you tell me how are you feeling?” My children usually say “angry” and at that point I try to help them find another emotion that may be underneath the anger. “Sometimes, disrespect feels like anger. Could you be feeling disrespected? Alright, let’s try this, “Sister, I felt disrespected when you took my dress from me and told me it looks better on you. It hurt my feelings.” Do you see the difference? Instead of jumping in and fixing the problem with punishments or angry words, you are helping the wounded communicate. It is helpful to assist the other party in this process as well by helping them listen humbly and express their feelings as well.

These tips aren’t a formula to reduce tattling in your home. Hopefully, they will equip you when looking at situations in your own home to use these situations as tools for development in your children. Try applying one tip until it starts feeling natural, then add another layer to your parenting. The initial change may be in your responses only. Over time, you will see your children benefitting from the changes in your own heart.

Our homes are a safe place for children to practice relational skills they will need in order to mature into capable adults that can live out healthy relationships. As parents, our responses to our kid’s problems are a huge deciding factor in how they will relate to others when they interact with the world outside our walls. Be thoughtful, prayerful, and intentional.

And here is some hope: As my perspective has changed in this area, the tattling actually has reduced. Five kids at home all the time, it’s only realistic to expect some fighting and drama. But my kids are masters at working through their problems with minimal help from mom and dad.

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The Slow Work of God

One of my sons was practicing his piano lesson while I played Uno with some of the other kids. After some time had passed, the pianist was no longer practicing his lesson but was playing, “Another One Bites the Dust.” One of the Uno players looked at me and complained, “He’s counting that as lesson time you know!”

I smiled and looked thoughtfully at the justice seeking sibling. I asked my standard questions: “For whom are you responsible in this situation? Is your interference needed here?”

The child looked at me and said, “But did you even realize what he is doing?”

Kindly I replied, “I did. I notice more than you may realize.”

I quickly reflected on some of the ways that God has worked on my life. As a baby Christian, when He began cleaning up my tongue. When I grew in the Lord, He began moving me toward a heart of purity in different areas. Eventually, my relationships began to reflect those of one who followed Christ. He gave me a heart for those who were hurting or didn’t know Him. He has brought me through joy, pain, heartache, and loss. In each season of life has taught me more of His character, more of my need for Him.

Over the past 30 years of walking with God, He has been purifying areas of my life. Revealing hidden areas in my heart where I have not submitted fully to Him. He’s disciplined, pruned, and refined me. And I’m painfully aware that there is a lot of work left to do inside of me.

I looked at my sweet one seeking justice toward a brother who seemed to be squandering piano lesson time. “My love, I’m so thankful that God takes His time with me, not revealing all the areas in me that need to change at once. I sin often each day. If God scolded and disciplined me for every single thing, I would be completely overwhelmed. He knows what to work on at the right time. What you don’t understand, is your brother needs creative breaks between assignments. I know it seems “wrong” to you…but I’m asking you to trust me. And know that I want to give you the same kind of patience I’m offering your brother.”

Our kids need correction. We need wisdom to know when it is right to intervene. Sometimes it is OK to be aware of something and simply submit it to prayer or let it go. Sometimes our kids benefit from a window into our intentions as a parent. There is no end to the lessons we all need to learn.

“Be confident of this (with your children), that He who began a good work in you (them) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” ~Phil 1:6

Give Him time friends. Our little ones have much to learn when in our homes, under our nurturing care and guidance. But they won’t learn it all.