When We Exasperate and Create False Repentance in Our Kids and What to Do About It

When We Exasperate and Create False Repentance in Our Kids and What to Do About It

During a recent car ride, nearly all of my kids were fighting and one girl in particular was displaying extremely unkind behavior to some others. We had been going strong for several days with lots of late nights and we were all tired. Another late night was ahead of us and I was irritated that we were dealing with sibling fighting only three minutes out of the drive way.

Upon my request, David pulled over and so I could give full effect to the guilt trip I was about to deliver. I told the biggest offender that I had no problem turning the car around and sending the rest of the family on the fun outing. She and I would stay home. I watched her eyes fill with tears and heard apologies begin to fly around the van.

You would think I would have felt satisfaction. I didn’t. I slumped over in my seat, disappointed with myself. I’ve been walking the path of freedom and grace in parenting for eight years now and STILL there it was:

exasperate

 

Fast forward to a different day. One of my sons decided to engage in a power play with one of his sisters. I stuck myself in the middle of their controversy. Acting as both judge and jury, I swiftly decided my son was guilty and wanted to make sure he knew it. Not only did I want him to know how displeased I was with his unkindness, I wanted to bring him to sorrowful repentance by using harsh words and a displeased face. There it was again:

exasperate

In the first scenario, I created false repentance from my daughter. She wanted to go to the activity, so she apologized. She wasn’t turning from her sin, she was avoiding consequence. In the second scenario, I disobeyed God and exasperated my son. He hardened his heart toward me. I wasn’t even a part of the original conflict, but now it was all about me! His body language showed me that he was DONE with any instruction from me.

The tragic thing in both of these stories is that I not only sinned against my children, I sinned against my Lord. Ephesians 6:4 clearly spells out my part in the parent~child relationship and I failed.

Do you find yourself failing in this way as well? Do you find yourself controlling your children instead of building godly wisdom? Are you building a culture of true repentance in their hearts? Or demanding a false repentance that bears no lasting fruit? Are you intensely irritating children when their sin makes you feel annoyed or angry? If so, please hear me:

There is hope.

I was angry with my son. However, when I saw I was losing his heart, I became concerned. My need to be right was going to drive him away from any wisdom I might have. A lifetime of these interactions would drive him away from not only me, but God. And then the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin and told me to take the plank out of my own eye. I was mad at my son for trying to control his sister, while I attempted to control him! Such hypocrisy! I cried out to God for help, a softened heart, and I removed the plank in my eye by humbling myself.

“I need to confess something to you Pal. The way I was talking to you earlier was totally out of line. It’s not the kind of Mom I want to be. It’s not the kind of mom God wants for you. I’m sorry for sinning against you.” He forgave me and I watched his heart soften. We were then able to  discuss his behavior. He apologized to me and told me he had already gone to his sister in repentance.

I went on, “I’m thankful you forgave me. My sin wasn’t against you alone. I sinned against God as well. He has told me in his word not to exasperate you, and I did. Will you pray with me while I confess my sin?”

Moments later, we sat down in a public restaurant with the other kids who had gone in before us. My son silently bowed his head in thanks for his food. After the meal, he stood next to me and tenderly placed his head on mine. Our hearts had come back together. We were restored to each other and to God. And he was able to again receive instruction in the Lord from me.

The BEST of parents mess up from time to time. YOU will sin against our children as I did, but in your own way. We are so, SO fleshly and still being sanctified.

So what do you do about it?

When you fall, turn your hearts to God and admit it! Confess your sin and walk in humility. If you are in need of God’s intervention in your parenting as I am, (and I suspect you are) you will need to do this kind of work, over and over and over and over and over again. But do it! Walk with God! Keep your kid’s hearts!

exasperate

Over time, your do-overs will decrease and your victories will increase!

My sons were in a major battle. One of them slammed a door on the other. David and I heard the kind of yelp that causes panicked middle-aged parents to run as if they are in 5th grade again. As the details unraveled, we saw pride and deceit in the son who slammed the door and caused an injury on the other. My Mama-Bear instinct was strong. I was enraged to see a child of mine had been hurt by another individual’s temper. I was livid to discover I had been lied to on top of it. My instinct was to spew shame filled messages to the perpetrator of the crime.

Thankfully, my muscle-memory kicked in and I knew that I could help my child in his sin without sinning against him. Quickly, I offered up a silent plea for God to give me love, grace, and forbearance. After tending to my hurt son, I walked over to my other son and gently rubbed his back. David and I asked gentle, but pointed questions as to what was going on in his heart. Without excusing his behavior, we were able to communicate: “It’s OK to admit you have done something wrong. Bringing your sin to the light is necessary for healing. You need forgiveness. Our love for you hasn’t changed because of the temper, the pride, or deceit you displayed. And God’s love for you hasn’t changed. In fact, God’s love was demonstrated while you were yet sinning, by giving His son as a sacrifice for you.”

His heart didn’t soften right away.

The boys requested time alone to discuss things with one another. After they talked, they went back to life. Forty-five minutes passed when the son who had hurt the other, came inside, with a sorrowful and contrite spirit. He apologized to his brother for hurting him. The Holy Spirit was able to work in our son’s heart because we hadn’t exasperated him. There was no effort to control him or force a change of heart. True repentance brought forth beautiful fruit from a heart that had been softened by grace.

Let the gospel of grace transform your hearts as you parent. You won’t do this perfectly. But if you humble your hearts and let the God of love and truth guide you, you will be transformed. And his power will begin to change you-and your kids; slowly, beautifully, over time.

 

 

 

Are Our Daughters Considering Homemaking As a Career?

Are Our Daughters Considering Homemaking As a Career?

It’s hard to write a post like the one I’m about to share without including a few stipulations. Yes, there are crazy people in the world who treat women and girls like property. It’s true that many women are called into important, wage earning, professions. Certainly, some women are called to single life. Let’s operate under the assumption that I’m NOT functioning as a voice for the dogmatic stay at home daughter movement. And many, if not most of our daughters will one day marry and have children. Fair enough?

I grew up watching Laura Ingalls, of Little House on the Prairie, dissatisfaction with “just” being at home as a wife and mother. Maggie Seaver of Growing Pains, grabbed her brief case and coffee while kissing her children goodbye as they got themselves ready for school. Claire Huxtable practiced law and brought her skills home to navigate the waters of a large family. I was told repeatedly I could be anything I wanted to be. My list of possibilities was long; teacher, broadcast journalist, advertisement, musician, pastor, missionary, writer, etc.

My dreams growing up didn’t include becoming a wife or a mother.

My dreams growing up didn’t include becoming a wife or a mother. I have no memory discussing this as an option. I remember dreaming of success and goals achieved. Of course marriage and having children was part of the plan, but almost like a side bonus, not, THE DREAM.

What kind of messages have you received about motherhood? Recently, talking to older teens and young adults about their dreams I often hear, “I want to be a teacher, a nurse, a missionary, etc.”

I’ve been gently asking, “Have you ever considered becoming a homemaker?” These young ladies don’t know how to answer a question which has never been posed to them before.

Have the young ladies in your life considered homemaking as a career?

I love the idea of my daughters receiving a solid education, a foundation on which to support themselves, and general development and growth as human beings. There is something I know however, which they do not. I know what it feels like to hold your very own baby in your arms for the first time. I’ve experienced what it is to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you would give your life’s breath for that baby the instant you lock eyes. I’ve wept the tears of a woman who nursed her baby, not wanting to hand her over to a childcare provider at 12 weeks of age. And I’ve walked the path with numerous women, shedding tears over wanting to stay home with their babies, but set up their lives in such a way that it was financially impossible.

What messages are we giving our sons and daughters about homemaking?

homemaker

Why don’t our girls dream about the passionate pursuit of raising children as a profession? Do we not present it as a glorious option? Is the pull on the world, requiring two incomes to live like those around us, so strong? Do we send our children (boys and girls) into higher education, accumulating unthinkable debt so that staying at home with children is an impossibility? Do those of us who live out the roles of homemaker do so joylessly, making the job unattractive? Is the church building up and valuing the glorious job of mothers raising their babies and children at home?

Sisters in Christ, if you have been called to marriage, motherhood, and homemaking, you have received a high and holy call.

We receive no paycheck or glory and few accolades from the world. Managing our homes however, brings us to a glorious place of storing up treasures in heaven. As we change diapers, scrub toilets, instruct toddlers in the kindness and gentleness of the Lord, organize our cupboards and prepare meals; we have the ability to perform every task as worship unto the Lord. When we creatively prepare a menu on a budget and joyfully serve our family, we are serving Jesus himself.

Teaching our little ones the gospel in our day-to-day interactions, growing them in godliness and discipline is a certain way of doing our part in fulfilling the Great Commission we’ve received from the Lord Jesus. Impossible questions need to be answered, world-views need to be shaped. Boo-boo’s need to be tended to with great wisdom. And our husbands need our love and attention as well. All of this takes great skill, devotion, and selflessness.

I don’t know that we will turn the tide, making the High Call of Motherhood and Homemaking, into a longed for profession in our culture. But we can do an amazing job of showing the beauty of it in our homes. We can do our job with excellence. Join me in challenging our daughters with our devotion to the home and the Lord.

Let’s challenge them with our words as well.

We can speak highly of our job as homemaker. When we talk about our daughter’s futures, when we talk about Jesus command to “store up treasure in heaven,” include the career of motherhood as a path for them to consider as a worthy call. I don’t have my daughter’s lives mapped out for them. That is between my daughters and the Lord. I do desire, when they think of the future, to realize that jobs with titles, advancement, and paychecks aren’t the only career paths to consider. Homemaking doesn’t need to be an after thought. It’s a worthy, lovely, worthwhile career they can be proud in wanting to pursue. Let’s give our girls the dream of raising a family for Jesus.

My Three Year Old Lied to Me…And I Taught Her a Lesson

My Three Year Old Lied to Me…And I Taught Her a Lesson

We sat reading books, when I looked over at Cupcake’s shelf and saw a Lego sitting by her clay doll figures. It was a cute teddy bear looking Lego I had never seen before. Curious, I asked, “Is that a Lego?”

Her face scrunched up with guilt, she broke eye contact and said, “No. It’s just a cute thing I found.” I knew she was lying. “Connected family” thoughts immediately raced through my head. I knew her lying was creativity gone awry. I knew I didn’t want any further interactions to continue to lead her down a path of dishonesty. But I also suspected there was another purpose for this interaction.

I simply said, “I’ve never seen that little Lego before.”

three year old lied

 

Her face was racked with guilt as she quickly replied, “I saw it in Ode’s room when he was sick. His eyes were closed, so it was OK I took it. I’ll give it back.”

It was at that moment the Holy Spirit brought to mind several small conversations little Cupcake and I have had over the past 15 months. When Cupcake was two, we brought her to a vividly descriptive Good Friday service. Ever since, the cross, Jesus, and sin have often been on her mind. Last week at bed time, she articulated that she loved Jesus because he died on the cross for her sin. I asked her what sin.

“Lots of sins. Hitting, scratching, pinching. Plus, He rose from the grass.” Laughingly she asked,  “Is it funny I said, rose from the grass? Wanna hear me toot?” Despite the jokes and the flatulence, I knew God was at work. Recently, while shopping, she picked out a cross wall-hanging from a store and said, “Let’s buy this Mommy, because Jesus died on the cross for my sin and yours.”

I glanced back at the little teddy bear Lego. There were some choices to make. I could let this go. She’s little after all. And she had already mentioned she should give the bear back. On the other hand, maybe I should make a big deal out of how she lied to me. She needs to learn lying is awful!

A still, small, quiet voice was telling me there was something more for her.

I gently held Cupcake’s sweet face in my hands and: “Sweetie, when I asked you if that bear was a Lego and you said no, do you know what you were doing?” She shook her head no. “It’s called lying. Lying is a sin baby. When you told me you took that Lego from your brother’s room without him knowing, do you know what you did?”

Smilingly she answered, “Yeah. I just played with it.”

I gently responded, “No sweetie. You stole it. Stealing is sin. What does the Bible say about sin?”

She grinned and in a sing-song voice replied, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

“That’s right,” I agreed. So you lied and you stole and that was sin. Her laughing eyes sobered. “The Bible also tells us, “The wages of sin is death. Did you know that? Do you understand when you tell me that Jesus died for your sins, He died for sins like stealing and lying about little Lego bears?” Her eyes were serious and sad. I went on…

“We also know that God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for the ungodly. This means that even though you’ve sinned against Him, God loved you enough to give you His son. Jesus never sinned. He was total perfection. And His death means that when you believe in Him, trust Him and not your own goodness, you will be forgiven.”

Then I asked her the golden question, “If you stop lying and stealing, will that make God love you more?” Grinning and smiling she said, “YES!”

I quickly and quietly said, “No. It doesn’t. God doesn’t love you based on what you’ve done. His love for you is based on what Jesus did for you on the cross. You can’t ever be good enough to earn God’s love.”

You can’t ever be good enough to earn God’s love.

At this point she snuggled in and said, “Let’s read a Little People book.” I hugged her and we picked out a great big one with lots of lift the flaps. As we counted monkeys in the Little People Zoo and laughed at the purple hippopotamus with a red bird on his teeth, I silently prayed. I thanked God for the opportunity to share the truth of the gospel with this child of mine, and that we don’t have to clean up before Him to gain his approval. I thanked Him for the cross and prayed Cupcake would submit to His final work on it, and soon.

There are gospel opportunities at every point in our days moms and dads. Don’t miss them. I don’t want “good kids.” I want kids who know they aren’t good on their own. I want surrendered kids. Kids whose hearts are fully submitted to the cross are kids with changed hearts. Don’t for a minute think the gospel isn’t for little ones. Let your little ones come onto Him and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.

 

It’s OK Not to Do a Co-Op Moms, I Promise

It’s OK Not to Do a Co-Op Moms, I Promise

I’ve been a stay at home mom since my oldest was born nearly 14 years ago, when I consider our “homeschool” began. Homeschooling wasn’t as popular or accepted as it is today. It was sometimes scary to have your six year old at the store with you during school hours, or let your kids play outside before the buses got home.

Most of the more experienced mamas I knew would say, “all you need is a Bible, math curriculum, a library card, a ton of love, and your child will get a great education.”

We were encouraged to keep things simple. Desks and formal schooling areas weren’t necessary. The all so often socialization fear was met with “your kids are socialized when interacting with the plumber, they’ll be fine.” These hippie homeschool moms assured me that my kids didn’t need to be with 30 other kids their own age all day to become well rounded individuals.

Most of us moms loved Carole Joy Seid, and Charlotte Mason; nature walks and read alouds; interest led schooling on the couch in the morning and Little House On the Prairie in the afternoon. Ah, the good old days of homeschool.

 

co-op

Over the past several years, the culture among us has changed. Influential dominionist homeschool leaders have been called to task and taken out of the arena (hurrah!). New curricula publishers pop up every day. Mommy blogs (like this one) are everywhere. The choices for a homeschool family are overwhelmingly abundant. In our area we have an endless pick of co-ops. Families can choose co-ops for select classes; all required classes; field trips; groups where moms teach kids and encourage one another; groups where moms drop kids for entire days and kids are taught material and assigned homework the rest of the week. On-line schools exist. Special groups for fine arts abound. Phy-Ed classes are provided. Some co-ops provide year books, proms, student council, study hall. A family could easily spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on various classes, groups, and activities.

co-op

I’m not here to judge any family for making choices to participate in any of these groups. Sometimes, it is absolutely the right thing to do for your family. It may be the right thing for my family down the road as well. I’m not picking on you if you’re called to a co-op.

I do want to say however, the hippie homeschooler’s advice is still legitimate. While homeschooling is becoming more and more accepted, we are still constantly asked, “How can you teach every subject?” or “How will your children be properly socialized?” and now the popular, “But, you’re in a co-op, right?” The pressure to give in to other people’s views of schooling can be strong. When I’m asked these questions, I confidently say, “There are plenty of lovely co-ops available. We choose not to participate. We are thriving.”

You CAN homeschool WITHOUT all of the available options today.

It’s still true that your children don’t NEED be socialized by same aged peers. Rich, living books, God’s word, and a math curriculum is still a legitimate education. Starting late, rather than early, is still a legitimate theory in educating. Working hard at keeping your home from becoming “school at home” is still an acceptable value. If you want to stay at home with your kids, and teach them all by yourself, it is OK!

I know you all don’t need my permission. But, maybe you need to hear that other moms are still trying to hang on to the legacy of the families who went before us? I recently walked with a friend through her process of feeling that she SHOULD do a co-op, even though she didn’t want to. God wasn’t calling her and her kids to one in this season of life and it was a relief for her to know she wasn’t alone. No matter how much the culture of homeschool changes, the simple values which started the homeschool movement do remain the same.

The Messy Mom~You Were Made for More Mamas

The Messy Mom~You Were Made for More Mamas

There is a trend today in social media Mom blogging, the “Messy Mom.” The Messy Mom says she’s imperfect and fumbling and stumbling through life. She doesn’t have it all together. She presents her parenting challenges, flaunting her children’s struggles and her reactions. She says her reactions aren’t perfect. However, I wonder if she might be a little bit proud of how she handles things in her flesh. She loathes pinterest, yet presents a pristine, perfect looking blog. She sets high standards for her children, but excuses her harsh, unloving responses to them.

 

messy mom

Moms…don’t buy it! Don’t buy into the messy. If you are a Christian you are NOT called to imperfect, messy, sin-excusing lives. You are called to growth, love, self-sacrifice, holiness, and grace. Will you be perfect in this? NO! Should you flaunt your imperfection? NO! Should you flaunt God’s glorious grace in your life as it changes you? A billion times, YES!

John 15:16 “…I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will remain…”

I Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 

Romans 6:6 “For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin. 

Colossians 3:1-3 “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” 

Dear, dear sisters in Christ…God has called you to a high standard. Don’t miss HIS call for you as you watch moms, “glorify in the messy.” Love unconditionally. Make your home a place of peace and safety. Grow responsible adults. Teach your kids God’s word. Don’t compromise. Our culture wants you. Don’t give in. Be set apart. Be holy, because He is holy.

Love Your Kids Challenge

Love Your Kids Challenge

Think back to the pre-parenting days when you wanted to be a mom or dad. Remember when you looked at the positive pregnancy test or heard/saw your baby’s heartbeat the first time? Do you recall the day you got the call from your adoption agency or social worker? Your child was ready to come home? What did you feel like the first time your saw your child’s face, tiny hands and feet, smelled their skin? Can you still feel the warmth, the longing to protect, soothe, and sacrifice for this new life in your home?

love challenge

Love challenge

Those first moments with our children are some of the sweetest moments in our lives. As time wears on, the feelings fade a bit. We sin against our children in our selfishness at times. Our children sin against us in their willfulness. At some point we have to stop the continual gazing at our child and go on with life. Our joyful zeal diminishes and our ideals take a back seat to sleepless nights, feedings, crying, diapers, toddler messes, homework, activities, sibling rivalry, teenage heartaches and mistakes.

Have you stopped smiling at your kids?

Do you feel disillusioned and disappointed? Tired and complacent? Are you lacking peace, contentment? Do you feel angry? Have you stopped gazing at your children and smiling?

Some of you have children home for the Summer months. (Or in our case, a loose schedule as we are not “formally” educating our children and taking a homeschool break.) My heart breaks a little bit every time I see a mom post on social media how she needs a wine break by 10 am. I hurt when I see the looks on little faces when moms talk about how they can’t wait for Summer to end so mom can get her freedom back. Let’s do better moms and dads!

If you are familiar with Connected Families, then you may know their Family Framework to help you grow in God’s grace and truth: 1. You are safe with me. 2. You are loved no matter what! 3. You are God’s workmanship, created to be a blessing. 4. You are responsible for your actions. I want to issue a challenge from the second point:

How can I communicate love in all circumstances?

What does it look like to love your kids when things are going well?
Will you show love to your children for no particular reason?
How can you love your children even in misbehavior?

Love challenge

How can you fill your Summer with messages of love and acceptance toward your children?

Here are a few ways you can practice communicating love this Summer:
~SMILE! Don’t underestimate how much our children need to see warmth in our face.

~Listen to your tone of voice. Are you harsh and disinterested? Be intentional to speak with gentleness and sweetness. Show interest in what your kids are saying and sharing. Laugh.

~When you children fight, stop yourself from sighing and feeling exasperated. Look at their fights as opportunities to help them learn about the world and relationships.

~Do you have a child stuck in disobedience or rebellion? Hug them! Find an activity you can both enjoy together and do it. Don’t wait until they “clean up their act” to show them tenderness and interest in being with them. Love them now in the midst of their sin! (Remember God’s lavish love for you.)

~If you have a day with nothing planned and everything is going swell…surprise them! Take them to Sonic happy hour for a candy slushie. Go to a library event or puppet show. Find a free kid movie and go together. Hit an amusement park or go shopping. It doesn’t have to be glamorous or expensive. Just play together and enjoy it without distraction!

~Is it hard to like one of your children, much less love them right now? It is up to YOU to bridge the gap and mend the relationship. Take the lead. Encourage your child in this difficult time and show love even when you may not feel it. Take a walk together. Read a book aloud. Ride bikes. Listen to your child’s favorite music. Watch their favorite YouTube channel together.

~Set down your phones and walk away from your computers and devices. Enough said.

Love Challenge
Join me in this challenge to Love Your Kids No Matter What.

Think back to those first moments of tenderness and the thankfulness you felt for each of your kids. God has given you a great blessing and gift to parent the child(ren) in your home. Don’t forget it. Remember the joy. The days are fleeting and you won’t regret loving your children with a deep, sacrificial, unconditional love.

Let me know if you are with me!
~Swannie Mom

Family Sports Night…One Family’s Solution to a Busy Culture

One of the things we value in our family life is avoiding the “busy trap.” How do you accomplish the daunting task of discipleship when outside activities demand your attention most nights of the week? Our family is striving to regularly eat dinner together, do daily devotions, serve, and open our home in hospitality often. In order to accomplish our goals, we’ve had to make some difficult decisions about our time and finances. One of them is around sports.

A friend shared this article on Facebook: The Race to Nowhere in Youth Sports. Our family hasn’t experienced this kind of sport culture first hand, however we know it is common. We’d like to share with you one alternative which has made a big difference in our life.

Family Sports Night

Three years ago, we were invited by friends to participate in a Family Sports Night (FSN). Several families gather on a weekly basis and tried out different sports together. This has been a perfect way to expose our kids to different sports and exercise, while maintaining our family values.

What is FSN?

Entire families meet once a week for a determined amount of time and play sports. A leader chooses the sports by the group’s interest level. The sport has to be something good for all ages, without requiring special equipment. FSN introduces common sports and rotates selections from month to month. Dads and moms teach basic skills related to that evening’s sport for the first hour. A parent shares a short devotional during a break. During the second half of the evening, kids are able to use their skills, by playing an actual game. Teams are divided by age categories so play is fair for developmental stages. Depending on the number attending, there may be several games going at once.

Our FSN meets at a public park. It’s an open event and a great way to invite families to play together, hear a gospel message, and experience sports in a loving and safe setting. The goal of our FSN, according to Dave Miller (the current lead organizer) is “to simplify the suburban American sports frenzy, by bringing all family members together on one night each week instead of running ragged 3, 4, or 5 nights a week.” This goal fits so well with our family values! Our kids are exposed to different sports and healthy competition. Our family is able to play together and invest our time in other life worthy goals during the week. We love Family Sports Night!

family sports night

How do sports work in your family life?

Are the choices you are making fitting into your long term family values and goals? We encourage you to start a Family Sports Night chapter of your own if it would help you meet some of your family goals.

 

Summer With the Kids

Summer Bucket ListHow do you spend Summer with the Kids? What is your Summer parenting philosophy? Are you the mom who sends the kids out after breakfast and calls them home at dusk? Do you sign up for lots of classes, teams, and camps? Does structure fly out the window? Will you waterski and fish at the cabin every chance you get?

The rhythm of our household changes in the Summer months. I love the kids to get a lot of free time to explore, read, play, and exercise, without my direct involvement. However, I am keenly aware my kids want me present as well. As the years continue to slip by, I want to build into my children, and establish firm roots of friendship in our family. I am carefully working at keeping our time together intentional, meaningful, and fun!

Several days ago, my oldest daughter and I set out Summer Bucket list we hope to follow loosely:

Work with modeling clay
Finish up craft kits around the house
Teach the little girls how to Rainbow Loom
Smash Book
Work on coloring posters
Free movies with friends
Backyard water games
Night time bowling
Shaving cream Twister
Water bag piñata
Solar oven s’mores
Grammar and spelling review hour
Human bubble
Rock candy making
Ice cream making
Summer Acts of Kindness (leave sand toys at the beach and bubbles on a park bench)
Corn dogs and pop rock slushies with the Dehnnies
Make a chalk town on the driveway
Math lessons every day
Tin foil river down our hill
Play croquet
Make dioramas
Make Christmas gifts
Sponge sail boats
Under the Sea Graham crackers
Park hopping day
Science experiment books
Piano practice plan
Play basketball
Scavenger hunts
Paper bag book nature journal
Make a funny face book
Make puppy chow
School supply shopping
Girl’s Week
Camping

We made lists of books we want to read and people we would like to see. A couple of business ventures were added to our wish list as well. And yes, we have vacations on tap, weekends at the cabin, fishing trips, athletic endeavors in which to participate. Add our Summer family traditions with dad, blink, and it will all be over and we will enter a new school year. While we won’t cross off every idea on this list, I like having a master plan in which to refer back. Any moms out there want to play with your kids this Summer? Show me your plans!

*Most of the ideas listed above are pinned on our “Summer” pinterest board.

How I Use Scripture to Discipline My Kids

Scripture is our best parenting tool. I’m not talking about forcing your child to write out a passage which correlates to his or her specific sin 100 times. Nor am I suggesting we use it as a verbal weapon to use against our children when they are caught in unsavory behavior. God’s word becomes a natural part of our discipline when His word is a centerpiece in our lives.

2 Timothy 2:16 states, “All Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.”

I found some kids in my house engaged in a battle of epic proportions. The details aren’t important, other than: Mama Bear was unleashed. The kind of fight I witnessed was new territory for me as a parent. I found myself separating the culprits and sending them away lest I say something I would later regret. As I stood scrambling my morning eggs, I pleaded with The Lord for wisdom. I sought wise counsel. And then, I went into a battle of my own. The spiritual battle of keeping my kid’s hearts while administering grace-filled connection.

After gathering the necessary information to understand the situation, related consequences were given to the parties involved in the fight. As we talked, it became clear that one party was repentant. The other party had a hardened and defensive heart. I was sincerely disappointed in this child’s behavior, but I knew my angry child needed a lot of reassurance and love.

After significant time had passed, I asked the unrepentant child if we could sit on the couch and snuggle for a minute and chat. I listened carefully to my kiddo’s heart. There wasn’t any reason in that moment to argue, correct, or share how I felt. This was my chance to show my sincere desire to understand. When it seemed natural in our conversation, I opened my Bible to a passage we had been learning from in church. This wasn’t a time to give a super spiritual list of ways this kid could have done better. I wanted my child to hear the amazing grace of the gospel of Christ.

Colossians 3:12 “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved…”

I stopped and emphasized this first sentence. “You my child have been chosen by God. You are set apart for Him. You are dearly loved by Him.” I went on to talk about the sacrifice of love God had made for us and how Jesus went to the cross for us, loving us, just as we are. “This was a big mess up today. I was sad and angry to see how your angry choices were affecting my other children. But even in that moment, you were still deeply loved and God still called you His own.”

As we talked, I watched my child’s heart begin to soften. Tears flowed freely. I said sweetly, “I know you are capable of rising above what happened this morning, because you belong to God. You are growing. The choices you make right now are shaping your character. We can respond to what Christ has done for us by reflecting the character of our God who loves us dearly. Or, we can choose our own way. Those choices impact our life and the lives of those around us. The Bible tells us, “The Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.”

I watched the tear soaked face look up at me and heard the words, “I want to grow in godliness.” After a long hug, we wiped away tears. The struggle to want to fight when someone hurts me is a struggle I share. It was easy to think of specific examples of ways I’ve been hurt and how hard it is to forgive and bear with those around me. We discussed how natural it is when we hurt to, “look at what someone has done to us, instead of what Jesus has done for us.” ~Troy Dobbs

Colossians 3:12-14 “…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

On our knees, we began to pray through the rest of this verse, responding to what God had done for us. There wasn’t any way we could change in our own strength. We needed God’s power to change us. We prayed that God would help us to clothe ourselves with compassion; for the strength to bear with others who offend us; for forgiveness and the ability to forgive; we prayed for love.

discipline

God’s word transformed the hearts of both my child and myself during this moment of correction and discipline. We experienced a holy and sacred moment, as we embraced the love of God in the midst of some pretty ugly stuff going on in our home. The sweetness of God’s character began to seep into our hearts. Throughout the day, He answered our prayer as we walked in forgiveness and love with one another and the others in our house.

When we live with God’s word as our center…we can be transformed by it. We can use it in disciplinary moments, while also keeping our kid’s hearts. Our discipline can point to the gospel. I want my kid’s characters to grow…not for the sake of earning favor with God, but as a response to the One who gave His all on the cross, conquering sin and death.

 

Dear Weary Homeschool Mama,

Dear Weary Homeschool Mama,

I spoke with a friend the other day. She was drowning in teens and toddlers.

Just like you.

Another friend and I have been trying to connect, but she’s been running ragged to soccer games, track meets, piano lessons, and kid’s events.

Just like you.

For the past month, the world has felt heavy in my soul.
~The sorrow of a friend who held her baby for only 12 days.
~Another dear sister is battling the wounds left on her children by the people who gave birth to them.
~I’m exhausted from my own middle aged hormones.
~I’ve felt the loneliness of a world who has given up human interaction for screen time.

Just like you.

It’s spring time. Birds are humming. The sun is starting to show it’s face again. The world is waking up. But I’m tired.

Just like you.

Sisters, we are under spiritual attack

The homeschool life can be a lonely one. Little people surround us, all day, every day. While this reality is a tremendous gift and joy, it can also feel isolating. Loneliness makes us feel vulnerable.

Homeschool moms do all the things every mom does. The one difference is our children’s education is almost completely our sole responsibility. Mixing our own insecurities, the doubts we feel at times from family and friends, the day to day decision making and the stakes feel very high. Pressure and anxiety make us crack.

It feels as if our job holds little esteem in society. We make little jokes like, “I have a four year degree and I walk around saying things like, ‘Will you please stop licking your sister’s elbow?'” We do have degrees, but we let our own skills and interests take the back burner to our children’s education. Being forgotten makes us depressed.

The enemy of our soul wants us to stay stuck in loneliness, pressure, anxiety, and depression. He wants to lure us into sin.

We are on the front lines in our homes as homeschool moms. Our enemy, the devil is roaring and prowling looking to devour us and our children and our marriages.

Take heart my sisters, Jesus is the answer.

I’ve been praying for God to give me fresh vision in my walk with Him, in my home, in my life. Thankfully, my God has been quick to answer with encouragement for my soul.

Philippians 3:20-21 “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.”

When I feel forgotten by the world, overlooked, under appreciated, weary and worn out, God has reminded me that my citizenship lies in another realm, heaven. The Lord Jesus Christ is coming back. Do you hear me friends? He is COMING BACK. He has the power to bring all things under his control.

Satan wants us to stay stuck, discouraged, and wallowing in sin and self pity. We can not stay stuck. We have work to do. There is nothing glamorous about our role as homeschool mom. Today, I listened to narrations, checked copy work, read aloud, corrected spelling errors, and taught Math and History. I emptied my cupboards, wiped down shelves and re-organized my kitchen for the warmer months. I played house, and watched The Waltons, made meals, and did dishes, participated in devotions and played gin rummy. In the back of my mind, I Corinthians 3:12-15 played over and over.

“If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.”

One day, I will stand before Christ and He will look at what I have done with my life, and test the quality of my work. If it survives, I will receive a reward. The task He has set before us is eternal. What we do from day to day is enormously important. And ultimately, it will either survive or burn.

We may not feel like Corrie and Betsy ten Boom loving others in a concentration camp. Bruchko’s persistence in bringing the gospel to South American indigenous tribes who wanted to murder him, may seem a more noble or worthwhile life. If we feel this way, we are totally wrong! Every day, we are called to love and sacrifice when it’s hard. We bring the gospel to children who don’t always want to hear it. Our children don’t always appreciate us and at times treat us poorly.

As  I wipe down cupboards, I can wipe them with joy in my heart, and work as if unto the Lord. When a child comes to me for the thousandth time for a drink or a problem or for help, I can love them with the patience and kindness of Christ in me. If I feel lonely and forgotten, I can remember, this world isn’t my home and He will never forget or forsake me. On those desperate and weary days, I MUST remember to cast my anxieties on Him, for He cares for me.

Jesus has already done His job. He never moves away. I need to do my part to respond and submit to His ways. He may or may not change my circumstances. He does however, refresh, empower, fill, and strengthen me to do His will.

When I’m lonely, I remember His love for me.
When I’m weary, I rest in Him.
When I’m depressed, I renew my mind with His precious word.

Press on my friends. Put on God’s armor and fight your enemy. He can not have me! You are not his for the taking! This role we’ve been given is huge. Don’t give up and let your works turn into flames. Lean into Jesus. Let Him love and live through you. You are precious to our Savior, and to me.

~Michelle